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Monday, October 5th, 2009
1:39 am
One more to fail me to add to the list, sad as it wasn't necessary this time.
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
1:45 pm
Ignore the typos and grammar... that's not really the point for once lol.


Dear Innocent Smoothies,

I would like to report you to your mums for ruining an absolutely delicious drink.

I confess to not being an Innocent addict, normally purchasing them every now and then when I'm feeling sufficiently rich or my body sufficient dead. Combine manful with a 2 for £5.00 offer and Tesco and you've got a guaranteed sale.

"Great!" I was thinking, "I shall invest five hundred of my shiny British pence in a strawberry and banana as well as some bogie juice".

To add some clarity, bogie juice is the affectionate name that we donned to your kiwi, lime and random green smoothie.

"Rejoice!" I was singing in my head as I walked towards the car. I got home, tore into my strawberry and banana tetrapack and swallowed it down like I was a Vietnamese lady of the night instructed to give your strawberries the ride of their lives.

Shortly after consuming a whole litre of random pink bits, ignoring the fact my healthy smoothie had more than likely exceeded my RDA of sugar (but fruit sugars are ok, right?), I decided to go for some bogie juice. Now I've always considered it a slightly odd name, but blended bogies always seemed to work well. That is until now.

Without even waiting for a glass I poured the carton directly down my throat, as if I was Princess Fiona waiting for Shrek's biggest excitement, only to gag myself in a non-pleasant way.

No bananas?

An excess of pineapple?

What was going on?

I found myself absolutely discombobulated and walked in circles for many hours before returning to my bathroom in the dark with the lights off rocking backwards and forwards in a bathtub filled with the remnants of my Kiwi, Apple and Lime smoothie. Was it the end of the world? Had someone re-written my taste buds? For an hour I was seriously concerned that it was a government plot by Gordon Brown to brainwash the population into thinking he actually had an ounce of charisma.

I finally came out of my catatonic heaven only to see the carton I was cradling. It had a label on I'd not noticed in my haste to guzzle it like a naughty schoolgirl - "New and banana free".

"What! What! What!"

After much investigation, hiring CERN to perform some experiments using the currently defunct hadron collider and a selection of ominous medical instruments I found it to be true. There were, indeed, no bananas in the smoothie... instead someone had added a pineapple and a dash of spinach and some nettle extrtact.

"Nettle extract? Are they mad?" I thought to myself. "Why would someone wish to feed me nettles or spinach rather than the phallic wonder that is the banana? Oh why!"

I've been searching for an explanation to this question, but still cannot find one. It's known fact that pineapples have been known to abuse animals within the home and spinach and nettle extract really don't belong in drinks. I have suspicions they don't even belong on this planet.

I'm now sat with a glass off off-bogie coloured green liquid, lacking any phallic content, with a much sharper taste than before that cannot be consumed en-masse. Please do something about the pineapple - it's pure evil. More limes, more bananas, hell - you could put some bacon in there... but right now I've had to go through a series of counselling sessions just to leave the bathroom. This e-mail is, infact, being written in my smoothie filled bathtub.

I, along with fellow lovers of the world's most phallic fruit, would request that you make the Kiwi, Apple and Lime recipe somewhat edible again. If not for me, and not for you - think of the children. Do you really want them growing up in a world where Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back video would have featured pineapoples instead of bananas? That would have simply made no sense and could have caused the spac time continuum to collapse upon itself.

I besiege thee... please help.

Yours Sincerely,

Guy Powell
Soothie and Phallic-Banana Loving Fan






Hello Guy,

There's no sugarcoating this Guy: you're funny. Funnier than a clown, possibly even funnier than Robin Williams in the early part of his career. That funny. And I can't tell you how nice it is to read a funny email once in a while. I dare say you've made my day in fact.

Complimenting aside though, we're pretty big on feedback here at fruit towers so I will definitely pass your thoughts on to the ladies in the products kitchen. We're rather fond of our new smoothie, and literally hundreds of people have got in touch with us to let us know how much they liked it. But we totally appreciate that taste is a very personal thing - I guess it's not always possible to please everyone.

The reason we got rid of the bananas is because there are loads of people out there who can't eat them, and a banana free recipe was the most requested smoothie idea we've had since we've been in business, so we thought it was about time we made one really. I'm just sorry this particular recipe was not your cup of tea/bottle of smoothie.

Again though, thanks for taking the time to write in.

Have a great week,

Joe

P.s. To reward the brilliance of your email, let me know your address and I'll stick a voucher in the post to you so that you can grab a non banana-free smoothie on us.
Sunday, January 18th, 2009
12:29 am - Well... here goes
Well here goes a few surreal days... Amsterdam which should be fun (but first time I've spent 4 days solid with Emma) - then on to Berlin... to meet Jo, who I've never met before... and will be spending 3 days with in a foreign country.

I'm kinda looking fowrard to it... let's see if hopes can still be dashed though lol. 
Saturday, June 21st, 2008
1:41 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb7ROOVkZlc

AWESOME!

Ill Nino praising chocomel!
Saturday, May 31st, 2008
4:11 am

Just made a rather tambling comment on a news article after author asked what the readers would suggest to Gordon Brown if they were advisors... so I ranted randomly and here are some ideas lol!


Advice to Gordon Brown?  Legalise cannabis, stick VAT on it as well as an additional 15% tax.  This could bring in quite a hefty sum for the economy.  Other crazy tax ideas involve taxing fast food at an additional 10%.. why not.

Fuel problems - move Fuel Tax liability from the consumer at the pumps to an ammended band of corporation tax that applies to oil companies.  You're going to seriously annoy the oil companies, but win back votes.

Huge party rethinks in terms of promotion.  My local seat won last time by under 800 seats to Labour in the last general election.  That's the equivalent to one voting sixth form college.  Hire some very expensive and savvy viral marketing types to actually get younger generations thinking they're involved and have a voice (even if its just spin!) - an entire generation are not voting and could sway a general election if bribed appropriately.

I think controversial taxes on businesses are the way to go.  (This is as a comapny director myself - not neccessarily agreeing with it, but from concept of how to convince Joe Public).  Whilst companies will be incredibly annoyed at losing chunky amounts of profits - it can ultimately be reshuffled to help Labour's core voters.  Businesses will remain, they'll still generate profits - and will just be annoyed at having had them cut back - whilst consumers will end up most happy with reallocated funding.

Give public sector workers threatening to strike left, right and centre suitable pay increases.  Ones like the police are relatively cheap and easy to sort out.  This can be played with some nice PR spin and will stop these stories continuing to hound the party.

Throw hands up and admit mistakes and have a U-Turn fest... but PR brand it as a massive listening and consultation exercise to prove that Labour don't just plough ahead... make the U-Turn a good thing (after all - it's giving the people what they want).

Some things to have U-Turns about - Identity Cards... a scheme that will cost billions and infuriate millions of people to save us from terrorism.  Deaths from road traffic accidents a year - tens of thousands, deaths from terrorism since 2006 in UK?  None.  Let's stop wasting a few billions there.

Have a word with america behind closed doors making it quite clear we're fully withdrawing from Iraq and they will replace our troop numbers - the alternative is for a rather public airing of America's laundry... I'm sure they would't like that.

Explain to him that Joe Average has no idea what the word economy means - let alone how a bunch of rednecks in America moving from trailor parks to houses is justification for all of the world's financial failings.

Lets do this one for bribe purposes - jump on the bank charges bandwagon and back the consumers... it's absolutely shameless but will win some votes.

Referndum on EU issues.  A giant U-Turn but it's a chance for the people to have a say.  It can even be branded as the first of many referendums in a return of power to the people (although I have a letter from my local MP stating that he "does not support direct democracy [to the general population" - so don't think that would happen!).

To be fair if Brown sorted out just 1 or 2 really big issues, he could win back support.  I've voted Tories typically in the past, and will most likely vote Lib Dems next time... yet I actually feel sorry for Mr. Brown as I think he is somewhere deep down genuinely beliving that what he is doing is for the right reasons... just a shame he doesn't seem to see what the public want.

Personally I'd increase national debt beyond 40% GDP cap that has been set.  Whilst this may not appear to be the worlds wisest idea - economies recover, but bribing voters can only occur now.  After all (in terms of advice I'd give as a Labour advisor) - if we don't win the next election it will be up to the Tories to sort the problem out and they'll be made to look back, getting us back in sooner.  If it does work - what do voters care about the % GDP.  Being in government is meant to be about knee jerk reactions!

Some random and controversial ideas... I'm sure I could do better if it was not 4am, I'd not been on the beer and I could be bothered to put some thought in to it rather than just rant :)

Friday, May 23rd, 2008
2:44 am
I stayed up just to see the result of the Crewe & Nantwich byelection... you know i'm cool
Tuesday, April 1st, 2008
4:07 am
December 2004 I came up with the concept of developing an EPOS system.  It's now April 2008 and we're about 8 weeks from completion.

December 2007 I came up with the concept of a 3D game engine and I'm now seriously looking in to the concepts.  I'm hoping that, 3-4 eyars from now, with EPOS making a revenue stream to support me, EPOS, and Room Thirteen, we can use this for staff and expansion in to game engines and possibly inhouse games after that.

Very interesting concepts :)  So here's hoping 2010-2011 that's the next project.

The operating system... that is scheduled for 2015-2020 :)
Saturday, February 23rd, 2008
4:22 pm
Mr Guy says (16:19):
lol ace
Mr Guy says (16:20):
in multibuyeventhandler.cs the line which adds the multibuy info the the actual database is...
Mr Guy says (16:20):
420
Pete™^ says (16:21):
lol
Pete™^ says (16:21):
when we're rich
Pete™^ says (16:21):
we should comission a report/study
Pete™^ says (16:21):
to find out how often that number comes up lol
Pete™^ says (16:21):
its not lost on me that you also told me that at 4:20 lol
Mr Guy says (16:21):
hah
Mr Guy says (16:21):
omg
Mr Guy says (16:21):
i didnt even notice
Mr Guy says (16:21):
seriously
Mr Guy says (16:21):
i literally justa dded that line of code in
Mr Guy says (16:21):
to finish it off
Mr Guy says (16:21):
saw it was o 420
Mr Guy says (16:21):
and told u
Mr Guy says (16:22):
didnt even ahve a clue about time
Mr Guy says (16:22):
lol
Mr Guy says (16:22):
thast amazing
Pete™^ says (16:22):
see we really need to comission a report lol
Friday, February 8th, 2008
1:35 pm
http://www.gopetition.com/online/16745.html

Petition against Tony Blair as EU president
Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
7:34 pm - What's Wrong With the UK? I Have the Answers!
The mention of control orders CCTV in today's PMQs pushed me over the edge so I decided to write Mr. Cameron a letter in the vague hope he slaps Gordon Brown across the face with a wet fish.

I mainly did it to rant but it ended up at almost 10,000 words - the suggested length for the final year project at the university I went to ... woops.

In its currently unedited and un-proofed glory I give you the longest rant I've written explaining my love of this joyous cuntry. Typo intentional.

http://www.uk3x.com/guy/20080206DavidCameron01.pdf

If he reads it I'll be impressed. If anyone else does I'll be even more so lol!
Saturday, January 12th, 2008
1:47 pm
Note to self: buy http://www.tanksforsale.co.uk/OT64_SKOT_APC_for_sale_page.htm for 6000 Eur and drive it down the motorway... could be fun!
Friday, January 11th, 2008
6:29 pm
Mr Guy says (18:20):
this is an odd statement but.... I love multiplying things by minus 1
Nef! says (18:22):
haha
Nef! says (18:23):
how come?
Nef! says (18:23):
lol doesnt sound odd to me
Nef! says (18:23):
i used to love trigonometry at school haha
Mr Guy says (18:23):
well if you multiply somethig by -1 it changes whether it is + or -
Mr Guy says (18:23):
so 10 x -1 = -10
Mr Guy says (18:23):
and -10 x -1 = 10
Mr Guy says (18:23):
so it is cool
Mr Guy says (18:23):
as it changes the sign
Mr Guy says (18:23):
and also double minus makes a plus
Mr Guy says (18:23):
that was always fun somehow
Mr Guy says (18:23):
its liek you take -
Mr Guy says (18:23):
and another -
Mr Guy says (18:23):
then roate 2nd by 90 degrees
Mr Guy says (18:23):
put em together
Mr Guy says (18:23):
and u have +
Nef! says (18:24):
lol
Nef! says (18:24):
i was always useless at things like that
Nef! says (18:24):
i bet a 7 year old could beat my math skills
Mr Guy says (18:24):
a 7yr old could do long division on paper
Mr Guy says (18:24):
lol
Mr Guy says (18:24):
i couldnt
Mr Guy says (18:24):
i nee da culcator to do division of any kind
Mr Guy says (18:24):
let alone long
Mr Guy says (18:24):
i never liked division
Mr Guy says (18:25):
multiplication si fine
Mr Guy says (18:25):
+/- thats fine
Mr Guy says (18:25):
even od dbases
Mr Guy says (18:25):
and crazy thing
Mr Guy says (18:25):
but division really got to me
Mr Guy says (18:25):
i can do it
Mr Guy says (18:25):
but id islike it
Mr Guy says (18:25):
its like the evil sign
Mr Guy says (18:25):
I mean
Mr Guy says (18:25):
X is two - at 45 degree angles
Mr Guy says (18:25):
- is obviously 1 -
Mr Guy says (18:25):
+ is as discused 2x - with one rotated 90 degrees
Mr Guy says (18:25):
but a percent sign I mean whats that
Mr Guy says (18:25):
its not even on a keyboard
Mr Guy says (18:25):
its a -
Mr Guy says (18:25):
with 2 dots
Mr Guy says (18:25):
thast stupid
Mr Guy says (18:26):
where did th dots come from
Mr Guy says (18:26):
*Shakes fist*
Nef! says (18:27):
lol!
Nef! says (18:27):
that was a cute maths rant there
Nef! says (18:27):
n i hate division too but then icouldnt do multiplication or division without a calc lol
Mr Guy says (18:27):
thats why I like dividing omre on computers
Mr Guy says (18:27):
as then its just /
Mr Guy says (18:27):
which is a - rotated again
Mr Guy says (18:27):
so everythings back to normal
Mr Guy says (18:28):
and its ahlf a multiply
Mr Guy says (18:28):
which makes sense
Mr Guy says (18:28):
as - is half a plus
Mr Guy says (18:28):
so why divide isnt / on paper I dont know
Mr Guy says (18:28):
but at least in computer-coding terms its sane
Mr Guy says (18:28):
and makes sense
Mr Guy says (18:28):
symetry is once again restores to mathematical order!
Monday, September 17th, 2007
12:37 am
Im sat here alone with nobody on MSN and nobody texting me. That's what life has become and what I've got to look forward to :(
12:31 am
I feel like I've lost all my connections and reasons to be :( The last thing I had of important in my life that I actually got joy out of was Nef. I now have nothing.
Sunday, September 16th, 2007
11:45 pm
It really sucks getting dumped. It sucks even more when it's after 2 years 11 months. Nef decided today that she still loves me but can't see a relationship working. I felt something was wrong so asked her about it and she's then decided to leave me.

I feel perplexed and numb. Numb as the other half of who I am has just walked away and perplexed because of the reasons behind it. I can't help but feel one of the biggest reasons she left me is because of the amount of time I've been working when I've been in Soton... and she's now justified leaving me despite the fact I'm not sure if she wants to.

Then again that could be optimistic thinking or denial - common cases when someone has jsut been dumped. I know her well enough to know she's unhappy in the relationship but I'm just not convinced this is what she wants... but she is unhappy.

I've had not a great few months and things haven't been amazing. Maybe I have been deluding myself... but Ive genuinely believed that as long as we carried on and got throught eh woerk parts that we'd be strong enough to make it last.

I've never been this calm and numb at the end of a relationship. The fact I'm at my mum's at the moment also means I'm now having to surpress all of my feelings and keep them completely hidden. Not perfect consdiering the situation. I'd also love to get hammered or smoke my brains out. Both options that are again, not an option. So that leaves me with sitting here and just thinking about it all.

Nef's been through so much with me - through everything that happened in 2004-2006, my bankruptcy, my FYP, everything I've worked out. We had so much still to do, so many places still to go, so many dreams unfulfilled and I can't help but thinking had I been on £40K for the last 3 months that none of this would have happened... and if that's the case then us splitting up is for the wrong reasons as my lack of money and, most importnatly, time are only for the short term.

She says she hopes we'll grow to look back on this day. I guarnatee I won't.

There has not been a singel relationship where I didn't teach myself to fall out of love with the person I was with - but some of them, like this one, have ended when they didn't feel ready and I'll always wonder what if. All those thoughts about our future together, children, marriage... all gone and no longer an option.

I'll have plenty of time for work but that's just not important... I'll just spend the extra time sat thinking about what I've lost, about the hugs I got, about how she made me feel, about that first tnight in London where she held my hand so tight and I never wanted her to let it go. Ever since that night I haven't wanted her to let go of my hand. And she hasn't. Until now.

It just feels like this isn't what she wanted and she's done it for a reason I don't qutie get. The worst thing is I think it could be that she genuinely is sure on this decision... although the equall worst thought is that she infact doesn't want to be doing this at all and the decision was only rushed because I questioned her about her mood. If that's the case it bears striking resemblence to what happened last summer, but the other way around where we took a break for a couple of weeks, but that was an awful mistake.

I can't help but feel she's picked up on some of the bad things I've said - that sometimes she hasn't been there to support me, she doesn't always feel like my time is valued when I give it her and that I will alwyas haev work to do... but I think she's forgotten that she's been there to support me more than anone else, that the hugs she gives me and smile on her face when I am with her have made every day I've ever spent with her and that however much work I have to do, it'll always be her that's on my mind.

Sigh.

As it stands I just feel horrid. This doesn't feel right. I've considered leaving Nef on and off when we've had problems for the last couple of years but every time I've come to the conclusion that I love Nef. I remember Michelle telling me,l ong before I realised myself, how smitten I was with Nef... at the time I didn't really feel anything of significance for her. Years later she became my life and, as usual, I'm left with nothing but memories and all of my stuff in storage at their house.

No last time of sex within a week either, the last few kisses she gave me were those of someone she was about to leave, not her partner, and I'll never receive a hug in the way that she gave me before again. It won't be the same without that meaning there.

I felt married to Nef, not legally but in every way. It just stinks that it has toe nd this way... and she's genuninely saying she loves me at the same time. I quoted her years ago saying "Sometimes two people can love each other but no matter waht they can't always make it work" and Nef vehimently disagreed with me over it at the time. The great irony is that, as times gone on, my opinions have changed so that I couldn't imagine not wanting to work something out whilst she's come to the conclusion its the only way.

She's not happy at th emoment. Fair enough. The thing is WHY is she not unhappy. We're both fucking broke, working every hour under the sun and not living in ideal situations. You can't expect to be happy form that... so why couldn't we have just carried things on and seen how they were when things were sorted. I was looking forward to a holiday to clear my head but even more to coming back to England, getting wokr out the way with meeting I have the day I'm back then going down to Southampton, going to cdelebrate Room Thirteen's 4 year anniverasy and then a few days later heading down to celebrate mine and Nef's 3 year anniverasy along with Sigur Ros. A band we never saw together and will now have never seen whilst we were together.

I've had, in my life, 1 band that really meant everything to me that I've seen whilst I had a gf. That was A Perfect Circle with Brandi.... who just didn't get it and ruined the night for me. Now I don't get it with Nef. 3 years :(

So tempted to just vanish right now. Amsterdam is nice.

I really hope she hasn't just grabbed on and focussed on the few negative things as that would be such a waste of what we've ahd. There may have been rpoblems, but we had something special. There will never be another Nef.

current mood: numb
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007
9:17 pm

Oops... I spent my charity donation to Leeds Fest on drugs...

Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
11:34 am
What I've been doing for the last month Read more...Collapse )
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
1:31 pm
Well there was a long update to go in here.  Then my computer lost it - nice.

So instead have a collection of some swear words.

MOTHER FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS FUCK YOU!

That felt better.
Friday, June 22nd, 2007
4:39 pm
Best spam ever?

Hello my friend!

I am ready to kill myself and eat my dog, if medicine prices here (http://catcentury.hk) are bad.

Look, the site and call me 1-800 if its wrong..

My dog and I are still alive :)
Saturday, June 2nd, 2007
11:19 pm
3 years ago today my dad died and I totally forgot...

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